


"You Useless Water Lizard"- A Love Story

by The_gayest_andalite



Category: Original Work, Science Fiction - Fandom
Genre: Aliens, Almost Sex, Asexual, Cuddling, Cute, Fiction, Gay, Homosexual, Lizards, M/M, REPTILES, Science Fiction, Sexual, Soldiers, War, Water, aquatic, but thennot, demisexual, it may seem like non con at first? but it's not?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-29
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-11 20:07:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4450487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_gayest_andalite/pseuds/The_gayest_andalite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Human's war as usual, but now allying themselves with an alien species how will these new relationships unfold on the everyday foot soldier?</p><p>Egan and Greg have made it off the battlefield and search for supplies with the well found ill gotten gains of war, and stop by a trader post.<br/>There they have run ins with baleful aliens...and each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Good Friends-Comrades-brost friends

The Kelk Kee had dropped to all fours mode, his usual stance when he was feeling investigatory, on edge, or in need of fluid aggression. He sniffed the body of water experimentally, eyeing the rolling green grey waves over and over.

Neither of them had seen an open body of water since their campaign, who knows how long it had been for Egan, the Kelk Kee.

"Is it safe," Greg asked, watching Egan taste the water.

The merchant shrugged,"Safe enough I suppose. If you friend wants, he can go for it."

In one fluid motion the Kelk Kee dropped into the small waves, with hardly a splash.

Fins out and webbed toes flared he sliced through the water, his long neck spiraling with his body following.

The soldier watched the aquatic alien disappear into the water with a slight smile. The little things.

  
"Now," the merchant suggested brightly clasping his hand to his shoulder, "Let's take a look at our new wares,"  
He felt the wad of cash they had found in that unmentionable house of horrors. Egan had done well to protect it.  
He ushered him off the dock, "I can see soldiers such as yourselves are in some dire need of our top of the line arms and perhaps some new equipment," he raised his eyebrows with a knowing smile.

 

Egan sliced through the water, enjoying the feeling of total immerssion.

He glided through the silt filtered water,a flurry of thin fish swimming hurridly past them.

He flipped back and swam upside down, eyeing the barren dull colored landscape, some straggling seaweeds here in there in the brackish water, he concluded that the little body of water was hardly able to sustain any life therein.

His shadow passed over a barrier of artficially placed, algea covered rocks. Probably built to prevent any natural erosion.

He swam on.

Greg, the human, was admiring the "new" shipment of lazer rifles. No reloads needed, and light was free, when he heard an explosion of water, snarls, and screeching spite.

He ran out in time to see Egan hauling himself back on the spintery dock, snatching his tail away just in time from the surging and snapping jaws that erupted after him.

He was there in a flash, rifle pointed at the roiling water in his defense, Egan sulking and defensive on all fours mode behind him.

"What the fuck," he glared at the merchant, dropping the rifle to his side.

He shrugged helplessly, "She's never bothered anyone before, she must not be too happy about your comrade intruding on her space."

"Well she doesn't have to be so fucking mean," he frowned at the settling water.

He caught the female Kelk Kee's copper eyes, followed by fins cutting through the green water, staring balefully at him. A Kelk can give a real good baleful stare.

He scratched the underside of his friend's jaw and brought his big sulky snakey head up to plant a reassuring kiss on his upturned snout.  
He'd never seen Egan anything less than congenial with anyone, much less his own kind. Aside-ah, aside from the killing. But that was soldier stuff.  
The Kelk Kee unloaded his best saucer eyed look of eternal grief on him.  
Long black obsidian mirros framed by droplets of molten gold threads, brimming with sorrow. Slightly feigned sorrow, but still.

He planted a few more placating smooches on his snout, and crowded him back off the dock and away from the water.

"We're very good friends," he snapped as he passed the merchant who raised his hands in a soothing surrender.  
\----------------------------------------  
The fire wavered and flickered it's light, sending off tiny embers into the night, and warming the skin of the soldiers.

They had elected to camp out for the night, on the principle that it'd cost them an arm and a leg for the privlige of sleeping with more insects than there was outside in that crumbling old cabin.

Egan was still sulking, laying his chin on his head, and periodically huffing and sighing into his hair, wistfully looking towards the water.

Greg felt bad for him, It can't be easy being a giant aquatic reptilian alien in a planet mostly of water yet no water in sight.  
It just seemed patently unfair that the Kelk Kee in the water was so unwilling to share just a tiny bit of water.

Egan slid his head off his hair so he wouldn't be able to miss his puppy dog face.

"Fine," he said, leaning in to give him yet another kiss, planting his lips firmly on the Kelk's nose.

He felt clawed hands suddenly grip his shaggy hair, digging into it and pulling it so his face was pushed forcefully against the aquatic alien's.  
His long forked tongue caressing his face.

He opened his mouth to protest and felt the full weight of the Kelk Kee baring down on him, crushing him to the earth.

He nuzzled his neck and shoulder, trailing his prehensile tongue along his flesh.

In slight protest he tried to wiggle himself free, or at least get some weight off him, arching his waist up to gain a little wiggle room.  
Greg gave him a snide smile at Egan's taken reponse.

He lifted up his shirt! His clawed fingers running over his soft smooth skin. Over his ribs, across his chest. He shivered. Damn. He was learning new tricks all the time.

His clawed hand hooked onto his waistband pulling downward in a clawing motion.

The fucking nerve!

He reached over and grabbed the folded down fin that laid against that snakey bastard's neck and gripped it as hard as he could, and yanked it to the side, jerking his head up and exposing his soft smooth under neck. Completely on impulse he vindictively bit down, right on his jaw line.

The human felt it, he felt the sudden heat roil off the Kelk's body. His fins sprang full sail, hot air jetted from his nostrils, his eyes pinned wildly frrom huge shiny black voids to near solid walls of that beautiful golden threading.

Greg drew in his breath, "enough!" He gasped, "stop!"

Egan tore himself away, his long tongue out as his breath labored.

"You snake faced asshole," he halfway screeched, red in the face.

"We AGREED. We SAID we'd decide together about going any further," he clutched his loosened pants.  
"And what exactly where you gonna do? Huh?"

He took in Egan's guilty and confused expression.

"Yeah, exactly. You don't fucking know. You stupid horny bastard."  
Egan dropped his gaze, his fins dropping as well and his breath becoming a little more steady.

"You are unbelievable," he said continuing his round on him.

"..."  
"What? What was that? Didn't hear it. Speak the fuck up!"

Egan snorted air out his nose, "As though you are completely blameless!"

Greg's red face deepened, "I -you- frankly- if YOU THINK- and anyway-...besides the point- that like I'd-anyway,YOU- you're the one putting your sexy alien moves on me!!" He sputtered.

He smiled slyly and peered at him through one pinned eye. "Sexy alien moves? What'd you like the most?" He clicked his jaws, "when I pushed you to the ground? You moaned, you know, I could feel it in my mouth, vibrating," he purred.

Greg buried his face into his hands, "Oooh, I'm fucked, I'm fuucked, the lord Jesus Christ save me because I am a sinner."

Egan drew his nose up into a gagging type snarl, nose wrinkles, tongue splayed and teeth bared. A facial expression meaning exasperation (like an eye roll), disgust, or laughter- depending on context.

"And I thought you were not religious- perhaps a few minutes with me has caused you to see God?" He snapped his mouth shut in a dirty smile.

Greg whipped his head up and glared at his comrade, "Shut the hell up you gross ass water lizard. I fuckin' told you to STOP. Disgusting."

"I did stop! And anyway- that..wasn't planned. I didn't know-," he traced the bite mark on his jaw. He looked rather embarrassed.

Greg turned and shivered, "it looked like you were going to eat me alive."

Egan looked at him, fins up in alarm, "I would never eat you!" He gently touched the crown of his comrade's head.  
"I forget you humans are a prey species and you have such worries," he said softly.

Greg moved Egan's hand off his head grumpily, "that's not what I- just go take a walk Romeo, go cool off somewhere."  
He hauled a blanket over his head as he watched the Kelk slink into the woods.

  
Would he risk a run in with the resident Kelk Kee for a dose of cold water?

A sudden thought occurred to him- a female Kelk Kee a wanton male Kelk Kee- maybe he intended a run in and more.

He shifted the blanket tighter around him. He'd better not.


	2. Rude Noodle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Space Water Noodle looses his cool
> 
> Keep up with me on me blog and tell me what to do: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thegayestandalite

He did decide to risk it.  
He let the quiet and the dark and the cold seep over him, smothering and dissipating away his confusing feelings.  
  
He kicked his legs and swished his tail with renewed vigor as he circled the pier. A lap or two before the female Kelk Kee noticed his presence. Hopefully she was blissfully alseep.  
  
He half heartedly snapped at a passing school of fish, whose presence he only felt in the pitch black cold.  
  
It was mostly reflex, it really wouldn't do to also add hunting with trespass on a territory that was so scarce on food to begin with.  
  
He paused, wondering if he had felt a slight out of place tremor in the water.  
  
He carefully turned and headed back to where he remembered the dock to be.  
  
He felt a sudden swoosh of water drag his fins forward, a body mere inches from him rocketing back.  
  
Uh oh.  
  
He slashed up his tail for a burst of speed, the smaller Kelk Kee dogging his moves.  
  
He felt the currents breaking against the dock and leapt for it, stretching out his limbs and crunching the dock yet again under his weight and claws.  
  
Craning his head around to be sure his tail was yanked free of the water in time, he saw the other Kelk Kee lunging for it, in hopes of being able to sink her teeth in his tail and yank him back down for a biting.  
  
It was the alignment, his jaws perfectly posed to attack her exposed neck, his sudden bout of rage of how unfair it was and his unresolved frustrations, he had opened his mouth and attacked before he had even realized it.  
  
He got his target, teeth crushed down on her throat and lifted her clear out of the water and over his head, standing full height before he crashed her down onto the dock.  
  
Her body slammed with a sickening crunch, planks splintered in two beneath her.  
  
His eyes widened to saucers in shock, surreptitiously alighting on Greg, who stood watching in horror.  
\------  
  
It wasn't like him.  
Yes, he had every reason to snap, and he himself probably couldn't understand Kelk Kee politics, and he was a soldier fighting an endless war, but it wasn't like him.  
  
He's friend's face turned monstrous, water streaming down lit from the orange torches spotting the dock, fins up and dangerous, teeth clutching defenseless flesh, eye's pinned to almost solid gold. Snarling. Enraged.  
  
There was probably no human on earth that would ever have dared to walk up to an Kelk Kee in such a state. But he was there.  
  
The female slid quiet and brokenly back into the water.  
  
By the time he looked back, Egan had reverted. Now his fins were desperately flat against his neck, he was hunched over, and eyes pinned open to black.  
  
"Hey, keke" he said softly, placing his hand on his head, he could feel him shuddering.  
  
He lowered his head, halfway looking at the water.  
  
"Can you...help her," he asked smally, looking up with his gold rimmed eyes.  
  
Greg looked doubtfully at the water.  
  
"You want me to patch her up?"  
  
He brought his tail up to shamefully lay across his snout, "..yeah," he said quietly, looking mournfully at the water.  
  
"Then why the fuck did you do that shit, what the shit is the matter with you?!"  
  
He ducked his head and scrambled off the pier, Greg squaring him off with a half hearted kick.  
"You better be getting that new expensive as hell first aid kit you asshole," he shouted after him.  
\-----------------------  
He put his hand on his hips staring down at the water, pursing his lips, kit in one hand.  
  
"Heerreee Kelk, kelk, Kelk, here girl," he clicked his tongue feeling like a total asshole.  
  
"That mean guy isn't here, come on," he bent down to splash the water a little.  
  
The dock's couple of torches really did very little to illuminate any of that water. She could come charging out and dragging him to his briny death any second.  
  
That asshole.  
  
  
There.  
Unamused eyes glinted above the surface, leaving the rest of her concealed in black murk.  
  
"Heey there sweetheart," he dropped to the edge, dangling his legs off, over the water.  
  
He held up the first aid kit.  
  
"Come here, let me take a look, ok? I just want to help."  
  
"Thaaat's it," he coaxed, as she neared him with suspicion.  
  
"Don't bite me or anything," he added.  
  
She gave him a reproachful look.  
  
"Hey, like I know," he said defensively, "I'm just one little human between an alien pissing contest."  
  
She scrunched her nose up in..disgust probably...her tongue poking out of the water.  
  
"Ok that was a gross visual," he admitted, "Come over here, let me see, I'm tiny and have no sharp teeth and I don't even have a tail, I can't possibly be a threat."  
  
She finally consented and drew herself part way onto the deck, so that her long neck reached his lap.  
Puncture wounds the size of his finger tips dripped with iridescent gold blood.  
  
Luckily, due to the place Egan had grabbed and his powerful grip, her weight hadn't wrought against her by dragging her down on his teeth.  
  
"Sorry," he said, looping the needle and thread through the tough rubbery flesh,  
"If it's any consultation, he feels really bad about it. Like, really really bad."  
He focused on his sewing, knotting up the end of another puncture wound.  
  
He poured on another spout of anti-septic.  
She jerked and shook her head angrily.  
  
"Yeah yeah, but I bet that water is filthy so hold still before you die of the sars or whatever," he poured some more on the wound.  
“And this is the expensive stuff, so you’re welcome,” he added.  
  
He leaned back to study his handy work, and trying to remember his on the field medic training.  
  
"Anything broken," he asked.  
  
She gave an experimental swim, to and fro.  
  
"Ok, cool but I think like, it's hard to tell when you're in a mostly weightless medium. Meet me over at the shore," he pointed to the place.  
  
she swam gloomily in the direction he pointed.  
  
Ok, she was a big girl. He was expecting a smaller size, but she was almost the size of Egan, a full grown male!  
  
She was also feeling particularly sulky, judging by her four legged stance.  
"You look good," he assured her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "What's your name?"  
  
"…Scialy..," she softly rumbled, keeping herself from making direct eye contact.  
  
He nodded, "Good. Nice. Listen.." He hesitated, "I know Egan is awfully sorry for what he did, and he'd really like the chance to apologize in person, would you come up to camp with me?"  
  
She looked resolutely at him.  
  
  
  
It took some doing, but he got her to lumber up with him to camp. Where Egan was moping like a child.  
  
His eyes pinned worriedly when he caught sight of her.  
  
"We're here to make friends," Greg announced.  
  
She pulled her fins down in displeasure.  
  
"Oooh, a grumpy Kelk Kee,” he chided, “I know what to do with grumpy Kelks,"  he dug into his pack and triumphantly brought out a bristle brush, a new one he had bought as a surprise, with a shiny mahogany red handle and stiff bristles.  
  
She looked at it in alarm.  
  
  
He set to work scrubbing over her snout and cheeks, with her head placidly on her lap.  
  
Egan had sidled by, and placed a can of his favorite, sardines by her. Her eyes snapped open.  
  
"What's your problem anyway?" He took the sardines and snapped the lid open for her.  
  
Egan gave him a hurt look.  
  
"No, seriously, it's not like you to act like such a douche." He said, focusing on brushing Scialy’s cheeks. Her were eyes closed in cheek scratching bliss. She opened one eye to look scornfully at Egan and swooshed her tongue in the can, scooping out all the fish in one swipe.  
“I seem to be forever in existential disaster, trapped between irritating humans and irritable kelk kees,” he said furrowing his brows at him.  
  
“Listen. You…cad. You can’t get mad at me ‘cause you can’t get your greedy little snake paws all over my body.”  
Egan snorted, “You know what I think? I think you’re intentionally giving me mixed signals to have a level of deniability and then take a stance of superiority because you get some sort of perverse satisfaction out of berating me.”  
Greg paused, holding his brush, briefly staring into the air above him.  
He shrugged, “It is kind of funny,” he admitted continuing to brush Scialy.  
Egan let out an aggravated sigh, and slumped to the ground.  
“Just next time you attack someone, mean it…no offense to Scialy who seems like a fine upstanding citizen,” he commended.  



End file.
